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Relationships Management
Use guides & workbooks to support change
We are continually developing new guidebooks, discussion-papers and action-planning templates materials for this service. To receive updates, register as a subscriber to our free ezine, Encouraging Progress.
Currently, the following publications are available:
Encouraging the Heart
We know from personal experience that our capacity for Good Work is significantly enhanced when our efforts and we ourselves are appreciated. When we believe otherwise, we become easily stressed and soon give up or stop caring. Those who go out of their way to acknowledge others' effort and output, even if only with simple words of sincere thanks, nourish a sense of self-worth, encourage further striving and build intrinsic rewards into the work itself.
Yet it is more common for organisational processes and individual behaviours to methodically search for people doing what is wrong, than for people doing things right.
This article introduces some uncommonly-practised commonsense ideas to reduce stress and discouragement, increase commitment and cooperation. Simple techniques for meeting deep and complex human needs. It includes "13 Ways to Encourage the Heart Every Day".
A 2,000-word discussion paper downloadable as a PDF. Order and download this article
No "I" in "team". . ?!
I sometimes hear people advocate the use of 'we', rather than 'I' when speaking to their teams, on the basis that the former is inclusive and the latter creates a culture of division and power. "In a team environment", they tell me, "You should use 'We', because it indicates power-sharing and encourages the collective view."
The trouble with these practices, the first-mentioned and that used to report it (did you notice?), is that they often cause the divisions and resistance they aim to avoid.
Constructive interpersonal communication practices and the attitudes behind them are foundational skills for successful relationships and completely unexplored territory for many managers. It is common to have no idea how constructive they are and to be unaware of significant room for improvement. Sooner or later all our efforts towards involving other people require us to communicate with them - and that is where plans often disintegrate or stall. Few people get to understand their own part in the problem.
Of course, the use of "I" and "me" can convey selfish or inconsiderate putting-oneself-first. But avoiding their use may be throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Speaking for myself clearly and directly is a part of being honest, explicit, authentic and influential.
A 2,200-word discussion paper downloadable as a PDF. Order and download this article.
Hear and Be Heard, The Heart of Dialogue - the Guidebook
A map of the territory and practical guide to managing interpersonal effectiveness written by Tom Watkins. Sympathetically written with good humour, down-to-earth practicality, hundreds of real-life examples, many helpful summaries and memory-joggers.
Recurring themes include understanding and taking responsibility for our own part in the problems we experience with others, treating ourselves and others respectfully, behaving ethically, being constructive (helpful, positive, serving to improve relationships), getting to the root causes of problems, clarifying values and ideals, reducing the level and incidence of destructive conflict, attitudinal change, planning and managing small-step change.
You will recognise your own behaviours in a host of illustrations, and your unrealized potential from the simple guidelines for improvement. Sold with the Workbook (see below), as a set. Order now.
Hear and Be Heard - the Workbook
A companion and ready reference to the concepts and practices, the workbook supports their integration within everyday life. Exercises, self-checks, planning and monitoring guides, help you transform real-life realisations into real-life application.
These publications are designed to support a 12 - 18 months development period and act as a useful reference well beyond that. They will help you establish a set of practical ideals to strive for, and effective strategy for sustainable change. Sold with the Guidebook (see above), as a set. Order now.
Self-diagnostic questionnaire
When you order the Guidebook and Workbook set, we email you a self-diagnostic questionnaire (reprinted from the Workbook). We recommend you complete it before you see the books. If you wish, you can return it to us to facilitate any 1:1 mentoring support you may subsequently need with your studies.
The questionnaire is reprinted from the Workbook and is a step designed to help you establish reference-points (strengths, weaknesses, priorities) for development and progress monitoring.
From the author of Hear and Be Heard:
"There was a time when the development of interpersonal skills was considered necessary for only the seriously dysfunctional. Now that the connection between these competencies and healthy relationships, performance-management, conflict-management and leadership practices is better understood, we know that people at all levels benefit from their methodical improvement. Rather than 'Do we need it?' the question has become, 'How can we enhance interpersonal effectiveness systematically, without aggravating our current workloads or creating unnecessary personal or financial stress?'
"I've written these books as a set and provided various options for their study, because I want the ideas and practices that have supported a relatively privileged group of individuals within my client groups over the years, to be available to everyone.
*"Since I first began this work, organisations and societies have changed radically. However (and partly because of this change), the need for interpersonal competence as a basis for true collaboration, productive cohesion, teamwork and sound relationships is greater than ever.
"You will find these publications at very least helpfully clarifying. Many have found them transformational."
What others say:
"Deals sensitively and effectively with the 'freight' of old habits, beliefs and feelings, while teaching alternative practices that really work!"
"A most productive and empowering programme."
"Excellent material conducive to study and frequent consultation."
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