Interpersonal Competence Quiz

This is part of the comprehensive self-diagnostic section in our Hear and Be Heard Workbook (a practical companion to the Guidebook), designed to establish reference-points and priorities for personal study and planning for change. The Workbook version contains 20 further items.

Write your best response

The following items are drawn from actual events submitted by our clients to illustrate experiences they found challenging. Write the actual words and phrases you might say in each case if your aim is to communicate in the best possible way. (Written responses will differ from what you think you might say.) When you are given a choice about interpreting the relationships described in an item, take whichever option you wish.

1. Without prior arrangement a neighbour (or colleague) calls at your home (or office) for no particular reason other than to pass the time of day. Although you have nothing pressing to attend to, after some minutes you realise that today you'd rather not spend time in this way. You say:
   
   
   
2. When you confront a member of your group (or a child of yours) who has not completed a task to your satisfaction, s/he says Nothing I could do would ever be enough to please you! I've done the job. I'll re-do it if you insist, but you'll only find fault again: we're not all perfectionists! This is how s/he often challenges your feedback - with confrontation or expressions of discontent. You say:
   
   
   
3. During a discussion with a senior civic authority official (or manager) you're visiting for help with a neighbourhood (or work) issue, s/he begins reading papers on the desk. This is really off-putting. You need this person's full attention, so you say:
   
   
   
4. A friend (or colleague) asks for your advice, saying I have to lead a meeting of our group, which includes Fraser, to plan next year's programme. A lot of people are annoyed and frustrated about Fraser's part in the current programme and I don't want all that to come out in the meeting; he would find it too uncomfortable. How can I run the meeting so that he doesn't think that the criticism is directed at him? You say:
   
   
   
5. You need to alter the timing requirements of a work project (or a home building project). A senior manager (or the manager of the building firm) on whose cooperation you depend for this, says, You know, my job would be easy if it wasn't for people like you who never know what they want, keep losing the plot and change their damned minds all the time! The change you want is important but not essential. You say:
   
   
   

Now, follow the link to analyse your responses to these. You will then have three useful reference-points:

• What you believe is "good" communication.
• What you know of how you are likely to respond normally, in "real-life".
• What we recommend for an approach that progresses and enhances dialogue and relationships.

Click here to compare your responses with our suggestions ».

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