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The centrality of interpersonal competence
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Shrewd executives focus on making better use of existing resources rather than on continually introducing new projects. They understand that improving leadership, supervision and other people-management practices, significantly increases productivity. (See Proudfoot Consulting's 2005 Productivity Report for research demonstrating this.) They know that the basis of these practices is interpersonal competence, and that the success of every group effort depends sooner or later, on individuals' ability to manage their relationship practices and their attitudes towards other people.
Perceptive parties to relationships of any kind, do not leave scrutiny of these behaviours until there is serious dysfunction. Rather than "Do we need better relationship management skills?" their focus is, "How can we routinely monitor and enhance these practices that are central to everything we work towards?"One of life's ironies
This degree of vigilance and attention is uncommon. Instead, people try to get by with the relatively unrefined interpersonal practices they grew up with. Although these are habits we tend not to think about, often of doubtful quality and based on untested assumptions, greater care seems unnecessary because there's generally a lot of tolerance of awkwardness, error, improvisation or casual imprecision. We tell ourselves we can and will take greater care and apply better techniques if and when necessary.
But of course, we cannot and do not. Best interpersonal communication practices are most required under really difficult conditions. When tolerance is low or non-existent, feelings are intense, differences most acute, people stressed and the consequences of failure most severe, we are seriously challenged because our ordinary habits are not equal to the task. Techniques held in reserve for those times lie beyond reach because we are not skilled in them. Skill means ability arising from practice.
Opportunities are lost, problems and conflicts worsen, relationships are damaged, time and energy wasted, cooperation, achievements and organisational productivity put at risk.Three vital questions, seldom answered
The parties seldom have insight into their own part in the problems. They see themselves as victims and tend to blame and complain about one another, making their frustrations the subject and cause of widespread discontent elsewhere. Those they see as difficult people may either be required to undertake remedial training or resented because they never will. Thus, they avoid the practice of self-responsibility and the uncomfortable process of answering some vital questions:
- How good are your interpersonal skills?
- How do you know?
- How well do you understand your own part in the relationship difficulties you experience with other people or that others have with you?
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