Practise Self-responsibility

Most of us have barely scratched the surface of our own capacity for everyday effectiveness, partly because we expect, want or wait for others to change first. We make their unwelcome behaviours the focus of our unfocused and ineffective change efforts rather than realising our own potential for greater effectiveness or more direct influence.

Important, far-reaching change is often more possible than it seems if we put aside our impulses to control or change others and rather, focus on developing our own capacity and competencies. We truly progress when we work from the inside out, instead - when we learn the importance of being able to demonstrate in our own behaviours, what we want in others.

All we ever really can control and have autonomy over, is ourselves. By changing ourselves we can increase the potency and usefulness of the influence we exert on others, or discover that having changed our own practices, there is no need to change others'.

Once we recognise how ineffectual it is to make others the focus of our change efforts rather than ourselves, or to merely grumble about others' behaviours instead of taking constructive action, we have begun the practice of self-responsibility. Psychologist and author Nathaniel Branden explains its basis and obligations:

"Self-responsibility begins with the recognition that I am ultimately responsible for my own existence; that no-one is here to serve me, take care of me or fill my needs. I am the owner of no-one's life but my own. This means that I am willing to generate the causes of the effects I want. It also means that if I need the cooperation of others in pursuit of my goals, I must provide them with reasons meaningful in terms of their own interests and needs".
Nathaniel Branden, Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

Start here:

Turn the spotlight on yourself, by asking some or all of these questions:

What is your own part in creating or perpetuating the problems you experience with those people you wish would change themselves?

How can you change and develop yourself, to be more constructively influential?

What would others say that you role-model for them?

How might you become the change you want to see, and role-model better practices?

Do you methodically gather feedback about your own leadership, management and other practices from those people they are intended to serve? Take the SCI: our Survey of Constructive Influence.

You don't get sufficient feedback or your work? The feedback you get is unhelpful? How constructive are your own performance feedback practices?

Performance feedback you receive is more often negative than positive . . ? How well do you manage to find a balance in your own?

You dislike others' decision-making practices? How are your own decision-making practices?

How skillfully are you able to confront differences you have with others?

How clear are you about the origins of your anxiety about speaking your mind to "senior people" - and what are you doing to address the source of the problem?

Further discussion:

As Within, So Without
Ain't It Awful Groups

Talk to us for further information or support with these ideas.

Tom Watkins
© Copyright 2002 - 2007 Tom Watkins Group. All rights reserved.

Select and contact a Mentor if you'd like to discuss these ideas or want support to make progress with your own issues.

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