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Risking Happiness
My personal philosophy is based on living lovingly and creating the relationships we dream of. This is completely within the power of each and every one of us. What restrains us are limiting beliefs, behaviours, thought patterns and fears.
For there to be happiness in our lives, it is essential that the core beliefs running through our minds support and enhance us. "The effectiveness of your being in the world depends on the value you give your own existence and the existence of everything else irrespective of how it behaves," says Gestalt teacher Howard Adams. "If you present as a fool, people will believe you, especially if you also act like a fool."
I often hear people putting themselves down, limiting their dreams and talking at length about what's bothering them. What I hear much less of is what pleases them and brings them happiness and joy.
Sometimes I wonder if many of us know how to be as encouraging to ourselves as, say, the coach of any junior hockey team. Do we even believe we have a right to do that? The idea of happiness seems, for many people, a greater risk than they dare to take.
As industrial psychologist Kate Marr has written, "It takes a lot of courage to become who you truly are and reach your full potential. It takes courage to objectively look at yourself and see the areas preventing your happiness. It takes courage to take responsibility for your own happiness, rather than depending on someone else."
So what stands between happiness and us? The answer is not simply found in "intelligence", nor in how positive our affirmations are. I believe we need to wake up to the fact that many of our fears, beliefs and thoughts are not serving us as well as they might.
At a point in my own personal journey when I felt "stuck" and had lost my raison d'être and joie de vie, I recall waking one morning (some time during the small hours) with a new awareness: If I took a more 'global' look at my life (examining honestly, my fears, beliefs and thoughts), perhaps I could move out of my "stuck" state and start going forward again. So began a new phase in my journey of personal growth and development. When faced with the prospect of personal change or improving ourselves, our natural tendency is to resist it, or at least keep it "safe". We have the choice of "chipping away at the edges" or taking the risk of doing something that is more effective and profound! I took the latter approach and experienced the difference, not just in a single area of my life, but holistically - mind, body and soul.
Jane (not her real name) was used to driving herself relentlessly at work. She often rehearsed failure and feared disappointment. Self-talk focused on "Don't aim too high" and "Don't expect too much". Reliving old pains and fears simply served to allow negative experiences (sometimes even disaster) to fill her mind. Jane was effectively creating her own limitations. "Why am I not happy?" she'd ask. Something had to change if Jane was to realize her true potential and live her life fully, lovingly and with passion and exuberance.
By creating positive intentions and setting personal "themes" for development and change; by planning ways of holding those themes on a daily or at least weekly basis; and by acting in ways that are aligned with and support our best intentions and our themes, we can take charge of our lives, both in the personal and workplace context. This process creates happiness (and change).
It's a process that Tom, Simon and I here at EncourageMentors work with - online, by telephone or in person - with our clients.
© Sally Anderson 2005
Select and contact a Mentor if you'd like to discuss these ideas or want support to make progress with your own issues.
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