Gratitude and Complaint are Equally Transformative
(Thoughts for the end of another year, to be read any time)

The difference between misery and happiness depends on what we do with our attention.
[Sharon Salzberg]

At least half my work involves hearing a great deal of information about clients' workplace struggles, and I accumulate convincing evidence of wasted of energy and organisational toxicity. They say: It's impossible to do what I'm paid for. I'm worn out. We're overloaded and I'm going under. The organisation is demoralized. We're tired and overworked. There's continual bickering and fights. People don't want to come to work. It's killing me! And then there are the seriously dysfunctional organisations . . .

If this was all I listened for and heard, it would be hard to understand why anyone would seek employment or remain within these places: it sounds like slow suicide. These are vital issues that deserve and must get our attention but it's gravely limiting to obsess about, become highly stressed or defeated by them. How might we confront the challenges that go with the territory of employment in many organisations and still enjoy the workplace?

This year it was fascinating to hear our Thanksgiving Dinner guests' initial tentativity about saying what they were thankful for, before they spoke warmly of many important things in their lives that they ordinarily take for granted. (It was a new experience for most, because it's uncommon to celebrate Thanksgiving here in New Zealand.)

As they warmed to the idea, it became very moving to hear their realisations about how fortunate we are (to have supportive families, friends, electricity, beaches, rivers, mountains, easy transport, to live in a country free of war, to have food and choices . . . you can imagine the rest). Simply to wear shoes, sit at a table, hold a fork, eat a meal or use a plate, is to be confronted with the end results of at least 14 people's everyday good intentions, goodwill, hard work, dedication to service, creativity and "just turning up".

Thanksgiving reminded me of the value of appreciating, for instance, that despite the "herding cats" challenge of organising bunches of people into focused cohesion, or the impossibility of getting people arranged in workplaces like rats-in-a-maze to enjoy that aspect of their daily existence and behave benevolently or even congenially all of the time, there is always something else going on that we can acknowledge, welcome and be grateful for. It's worth finding because what we decide to look for determines the life we find.

Constantly reminding ourselves of our difficulties, dilemmas, crises and problems, as many people do while taking for granted their having employment, an accompanying sense of purpose and usefulness, a reasonable income and at least some congeniality amongst colleagues is like standing in water up to our knees complaining of thirst.

During a very difficult year in my life I taped across a closet door in my bedroom, a notice that read "Be glad!" written large and bold. It needed to shout out at me each morning because I'd become deaf to hopefulness. As an affirmation or aspiration it worked well. It was my shorthand for two reminders: "Pay attention!" and, "Choose what you pay attention to!" I soon reached a place from which I could learn, heal, hope and move forward with excitement again, so I've continued the practice: lately I've been looking out at the world and saying, "Astonish me!" And it does, every time. I am frequently astounded by how wonderful it all is and we all are.

Expressing gratitude is transformative, just as transformative as expressing complaint. Imagine an experiment involving two people. One is asked to spend ten minutes each morning and evening expressing gratitude (there is always something to be grateful for), while the other is asked to spend the same amount of time practicing complaining (there is, after all, always something to complain bout). One of the subjects is saying things like, 'I hate my job, I can't stand this apartment. Why can't I make enough money? My spouse doesn't get along with me. That dog next door never stops barking and I just can't stand this neighborhood.' The other is saying things like, 'I'm really grateful for the opportunity to work; there are so many people these days who can't even find a job. And I'm sure grateful for my health. What a gorgeous day; I really like this fall breeze.'

They do this experiment for a year. Guaranteed, at the end of that year the person practicing complaining will have deeply reaffirmed all his negative stuff rather than having let it go, while the one practicing gratitude will be a very grateful person. What you practice is what you are; practice and the goal of practice are identical, cause and effect are one reality. Expressing gratitude can, indeed, change our way of seeing ourselves and the world."

[John Daido Loori Roshi, quoted in "30,000 Days", an ezine of the ToDo Institute]

May you, in the run-up or wind-down to the end of this year, find much to be glad about and thankful for.

Additional Material:

Exuberance, Enthusiasm and Leadership
Stumbling on Happiness: are we just too stupid to be happy?
Fantasy: More Painful Than Reality
Managing Depression and Despondency
Developing Habits of Mind
Attitudinal Agriculture
What to do when you don't know what to do
Ain't it Awful!?
Will Sunshine Cheer Us Up?
Authentic Happiness

Tom Watkins
© Copyright 2002 - 2007 Tom Watkins Group. All rights reserved.

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